OPINION? Everybody Has One | Thoughts on buying culled reindeer

Some things set me to wondering about how to use them in my operation of raising beef. The ads on TV this week have been full of reindeer flying through the air pulling a sleigh. Wow, flying deer, that is venison, sky high!

What if you had a deal with Santa and all the fawns who didn’t work out as replacement team members were qualified culls you could buy? You know, like steers that are what they are, meat. So you agree to have a pen delivered weighing 450 pounds on September first and pay the man the going price. He can’t be seen delivering, so he hires a bull wagon to bring in the two hundred head. I will have to pay in cash because Santa does not have a banker that will cash a check.

I would know that the pen would have a lid. How else would you keep flying deer corralled? The logistics of fencing would have to be figured by a professional and probably a fencing crew would have to be hired to do the job. They, the aforementioned pros, do not come cheap, so add that cost to the purchase price. I probablyhad not thought about the antlers causing problems when the animals need to scratch their spiraling head racks. Chicken wire or hog wire would not stand up to that abuse at all. More costs, as I would have to call NASA for assistance with producing wire strong enough to deter flights.

At that point in this adventure I would be required to explain why the whole contraption was built and why there were reindeer on the place. I am sure the faces of the Grands would glow with glee when they saw the magical animals on our land, and I surely wouldn’t tell them the precious cloven-hoofed animals were being fattened for the sole reason of tenderizing their meat! Never could I do that and, if not, what would I say? And my close relative herself might even have a quiver of disgust at the thought. OK, a feller might possibly be asking for trouble on the home front. Cross that bridge later, I guess.

We all know meat animals are processed when unloaded. The hydraulic squeeze chute works great for cattle but some adjustments might be in order for the deer. I expect a welder would need to be hired to get the job done. Oh, yes, the working area would need a net of some sort to prevent the flying off of purchased livestock. I am pretty sure a vet would have to be secured to draw blood and run all kinds of tests for diseases mostly eradicated in cattle. More costs to add to the bill.

This whole idea is making my blood pressure rise. Sweat beads are popping out on my forehead and my hands are shaking. Old Dog is whining and looking at me like he is plumb worried about my health.

I had been driving along the gravel road when this idea popped up and now the truck is idling here beside the road. I don’t remember pulling over and stopping but I did.

It is my opinion, and everyone has one, a mind is a dangerous thing. What could happen, what does happen and why such things occur always start in someone’s mind! I recommend shaking the cobwebs out, picking one important subject and dialing in on it. I want all of us, especially me, to dwell on sane issues.

Speaking of sanity, praising God for the plan of salvation and the birth of His Son is the sanest thing we can do and I wish you all a very merry Christmas.

Bill is the pen name used by the Gravette author of this weekly column.

Opinion, Pages 10 on 12/22/2010