OPINION? Everybody Has One!!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

My close relative is hot on the trail of an armadillo or maybe a possum, something that is eating her tomatoes and digging up the yard. She sat up last evening with the .22 over her lap staring out the window, waiting on the poor critter to show up so she could blow him to kingdom come! I heard her stirring around in the bedroom about 1:30 a.m. so I figured she finally gave up the watch for the night.

Old Dog is the only pet in the yard and he thinks all the biscuits and gravy that come out the door are his.

It is really gonna be hard to explain to old Dog that the pile of scraps are there for a wild unnamed critter’s last supper! I went on in the house to wash up, not willing to watch and listen to the explanation. I figure Dog will look like he is listening and getting every word down pat, and eat the scraps as soon as the back door clicks shut!

The neighbor’s cows have been out on the highway several times this week. I know they have grass but the other side must look greener. It will be a miracle if a bovine does not end up as a hood decoration before the fences are repaired as that man is in Mexico on a fishing trip.

I guess I’ll meander over there and repair what I can in the morning and stay the heck away from a pistol packing woman on the prod!

Stopping up plumbing and leaky fences are the plight of a cattleman. I had to help an offspring dig up his yard clear to the septic tank a couple of days ago.

You should have heard the conversation between him and his close relative. Something like he’d better not ruin her front yard and did she want grass or did she want the bathroom to work. It was not pretty.

My close relative’s female offspring showed up that same day wanting her Mammy’s shoulder to cry on. Her close relative had gone off to his job without even saying he was sorry he didn’t get the last of the yard mowed! Oh, what is this world coming to!?! A man leaving part of the grass uncut just to make his family a living is enough to make me ill, I say with tongue in cheek!

I finished washing up and ambled back into the kitchen for a cup of fresh coffee and there was none. Nope, and the cook was standing guard over the pile of steak bones and biscuits she had raked out as bait. Dog was laying there, wagging his tail and paying her no mind!

It is my opinion, and everyone has one, the moon must have stuck solid on it’s orbit for a second or two, or the earth shifted on it’s axis for all the strange happenings this last week. I ‘d like to think that all will go back to normal by tomorrow morning, and maybe it will. If it doesn’t, just gird up your loins and ride off into the sunset. An unhappy close relative will get better and it is best that she do it without our company! I am taking Dog with me!

-Bill

Bill is the pen name used by the Gravette author of this weekly column.

Opinion, Pages 4 on 07/14/2010