A Walk in the Park - When an empty nest fills again

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

They’re baaaaaaack! After four-plus years of empty-nesting it, we have “kids” living with us again.

Since the first of the year, we have been sharing our home with our youngest daughter Megan and her husband Brian. The plan is for them to stay until summer when they will both be finished with graduate degrees from the University of Central Arkansas.

They have completed all the required course work and are now finishing the clinical-practice portions of their training. Since “clinicals” will take place in locations around northwest Arkansas, it only makes sense for them to stay here until the end of the semester.

In recent times, many couples like us are finding their empty nests filling up once again. Articles I have read lately report that more and more parents with grown children are seeing the return of at least one “boomerang kid.” Tough economic times and loss of jobs are driving this trend. According to my readings, unemployment rates are even higher for those younger than 25 than they are for older adults.

Although having grown children around can be a pleasant time that provides opportunities to spend more time together, some articles caution against the financial and emotional price parents may pay for helping out. With this in mind, many suggest taking steps to help ensure that the time back in the nest turns out well for both parties. These suggestions include such things as setting clear expectations ahead of time, agreeing on a time limit, making sure to share responsibilities, considering charging rent and remembering to keep a sense of humor. The idea is that the time spent living at home will be workable for all involved and serve as a stepping stone for getting “kids” back out on their own once again.

After reading these suggestions, I feel satisfied that all major bases are covered in our current living arrangement. Megan and Brian are a hardworking and motivated couple, anxious to graduate and settle into new jobs and to find a place of their own. With that taken care of, I have time to focus on lighter notes that involve a few obvious adjustments that have been necessary to make our once-empty nest more grown-kid friendly. I think this falls under the “keep-a-sense of-humor” part.

First and foremost, with a son-in-law around, I have to remember to grab my robe before walking though the house first thing in the morning. I planned ahead regarding this matter and mentioned before last Christmas that I could use a new robe to replace the old blue thing that had been around a little too long. Megan followed my request by asking what kind of robe I wanted. “The kind you don’t mind your husband seeing me in,” was my answer.

Another thing I have to remember is not to sing. Now, you’ll never hear me sing in public (for good reason), but I sing a lot within the privacy of my own home, or at least I used to. Now, out of consideration for Brian, I do my best to resist breaking out into song in his presence, although I have slipped a time or two. Being the polite young man he is, Brian refrained from commenting on my singing and didn’t even cover his ears - at least not while I was watching.

I think our dog Bo would say he likes the changes he’s noticed since the kids moved in. He’s getting tons of extra attention. Earl and I suspect we might be getting sidelined because Megan is doing her best to win him over. She buys him special snacks and scratches his back with her sturdy fingernails - something that puts him in doggie heaven.

“Traitor Bo” has become his new nickname. I have been thinking that it will be a real drag if Bo decides he wants to go with Megan and Brian when they move out. I guess if that happens I could write a country song and walk through the house in my nightgown belting it out like nobody’s listening. I could entitle something like this, “I knew you wouldn’t stay forever, but I never thought you’d take my dog.”

Opinion, Pages 5 on 03/17/2010