LITTLE ROCK — My close relative was screaming for me to get out of the rain and into the house. I was ignoring her and acting like I couldn’t hear a thing. I kept right on shoveling mud and rocks, digging a canal for the small, rain swelled river to cascade through the lot instead of down my barn driveway. Canyons are easily gouged out of the road and that makes it difficult to drive to any of the outbuildings on the place.

Gotta give credit where credit is due. The lightning was flashing and thunder was so loud you could almost see it. I was on the end of the shovel and the tallest thing in the road. I guess I was wearing a big red target begging for a strike. Thank the good Lord I did not get zapped. My close relative was probably already picking out pallbearers as she yelled through the rain and I did hear some pretty unpleasant names being called.

I suspect some of the names she laid on me were taught to her by yours truly. The politicians have tempted me to lose some of the upbringing my Sainted Mother taught me. I might have yelled at the TV so much lately that some of it rubbed off on my close relative. I am gonna ask for forgiveness after the June elections. Until then I’d rather be a target for lightning and take the tongue lashings!

You men all realize the importance of being a winner when you are pitted against Mother Nature. She can ruin us in a heartbeat withholding rain, throwing her hail at crops ready to harvest, drenching land and keeping the water coming for too long for the grass to recover. She can blow hard straightwinds, send twisting winds and fill the sky with enough electricity to run LA for a year. If you and I can manage one little win, like making the gushing water run where we want it to go, we are grateful.

The rain is a real necessity and I have sworn I’d never ever mean mouth the moisture. I said that back in 2006 when I was hauling water to every water trough on the place. Cattle had no grass, stood around and munched on purple mint, died right there and had to be carted off to the burial grounds. They hung around the water tanks like flies on honey or other stuff.

The grass is tall and green and I am so sure we are gonna have fescue foot real bad before this is dried up. That, and snakes, are bound to be real prevalent just anywhere you step. Old Dog is a dang good watch dog when he wants to be but he ain’t worth his salt when it comes to snakes! I do believe he lost his snake scent monitor as a pup because he can walk over a snake and not even look at it!

It is my opinion, and everyone has one, that place I read about all things in moderation in the Good Book should be read aloud to Mother Nature. I don’t know why she is allowed to run amok and cause such devastation. Maybe she plays poker with the Devil and when she loses a whall-eyed fit is thrown!

I don’t if whall-eyed is spelled correctly; you know what I mean! Keep your oars in the water and your britches legs rolled up; it will dry up by July!

-Bill Bill is the pen name used by the Gravette author of this weekly column.

Opinion, Pages 4 on 05/26/2010