LITTLE ROCK — That dang old cow jumped higher than the fence except for her business parts - you know, the calf’s dinner plate.
We were almost through running the herd through the chute when she outlawed and things got plumb scary. I watched her paw the ground like a bucking bull, blow snot across the lot, her eyes wide and the whites showing big time. She was mad, and also angry.
I have tried to live my life so as to not anger women of any kind, but you gotta know this old hide was beyond any I had ever seen. I hollered for the boys to clear the fences and we would just let her sit and cool off while we moved the other stock around. She could and would surely settle down a bit and we could finish without blood letting.
We moved the steers to the trap and the vixen cow was still snorting so loud we could hear her above the calves bawling. I decided we should go ahead and haul the steers over to the pasture and wait on the old hide to relax. We had to stop and put all the medicine up on ice, make sure all the gates were fastened and go get the trailers hooked up. Time was spent being quiet and trying to keep things calm. Extra time is at a premium this time of the year when the days are getting short.
We had to get the steers loaded out of the trap, which is wire, and so that made us work slower and more carefully. Most of them were calmed down already, and since they were bunk broke they were fairly easy to handle. We got two trailers loaded and I got the offspring on the way without much trouble. I stayed close so I could keep an eye on the crazy cow.
My close relative showed up with a jug of coffee and a cinnamon roll for me to help me make it till supper. We were talking softly and then I sneezed. That beautiful bawling bovine threw her head up high, eyes red as blood, looking for the lowest place in the enclosure, backing up for a good hard run, dug in and cleared the fence with a mighty leap.
My close relative outran me to the feed room and we dodged old Dog as he was looking for safety too! That cow hit the door just as I swung it closed. She whirled around, looked at the next fence and cleared it too. All except the aforementioned business parts.
It is my opinion, and everyone has one, the FBI might need to put out a bulletin warning folks about impending dangers even if it does not involve terrorists that are of the human kind. If you see or hear or even smell a cow running near, run for your life! I am trying to call the game warden for help. And until we take care of the problem, keep your offspring inside!
Bill is the pen name used by the Gravette author of this weekly column.
Opinion, Pages 6 on 10/06/2010