GRIZ BEAR COMMENTS I kept it quiet last night

Some have asked me to share more stories from my days in law enforcement and I found this old “tongue-in-cheek” poem I wrote during those days, poking fun at handling the dilemma of avoiding overtime and budget deficits while patrolling a 900-square-mile county alone at night. Perhaps others in law enforcement can relate.

Keeping Things Quiet

I kept it quiet last night and kept down overtime too!

On some shifts, that is easy; on others, it’s hard to do.

The county board gets miffed; my backside they do chew

If I stay out past my shifts, and overtime hours work too.

‘Twas a car wreck way out west, so I hurried toward the east.

What else could I have done to keep overtime hours their least?

All appeared to be so tranquil; but then, to my surprise,

In the midst of that old highway I saw this pair of eyes!

Oh No! There are cattle out! What should I do about this?

If I call in about this one, would any claim old Bess?

I can’t sit here all night long for one old bovine’s hide.

Somehow, or in someway, I’ll just drive her to the side!

I got out there to chase her. She looked me in the eye

As saying, “I ain’t goin’ no matter how hard you try!”

I fired off some gun shots, but never she did budge...

Until, with sirens blaring, with my car I her did nudge.

As through the fence she tore, more problems I could see;

But not if I left quickly; Yes, I thought it best to flee!

I traveled down the highway, relieved I’d not be late;

But then my radars quealed: “He’s doing ninety-eight!”

My mind then filled with thoughts: “He could be drunk, or maybe high.

If any of that were true, my overtime might fly.”

I was ready to turn about and chase him to a stop;

But instead I reached right down and unplugged that radar clock.

All was quiet once again, I drove only empty byways.

I should make it home if I avoid those busy highways.

Oh No! What did I see? A body by the road side!

It’s not good for county budgets to work a homicide!

How could I help and save the day? Should I dig a grave?

With only a G.I. shovel, I sure would have to slave!

Well equipped with rubber gloves, I loaded up the dead,

And drove across the county line to dump him there instead.

Yes, I kept my shift a quiet night; kept down overtime too.

On some nights, that is easy; on others, it’s hard to do!

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Randy Moll is the managing editor of the Westside Eagle Observer. He may be reached by e-mail at rmoll @ nwaonline .com.

Opinion, Pages 6 on 10/20/2010