Some have asked me to share more stories from my days in law enforcement and I found this old “tongue-in-cheek” poem I wrote during those days, poking fun at handling the dilemma of avoiding overtime and budget deficits while patrolling a 900-square-mile county alone at night. Perhaps others in law enforcement can relate.
Keeping Things Quiet
I kept it quiet last night and kept down overtime too!
On some shifts, that is easy; on others, it’s hard to do.
The county board gets miffed; my backside they do chew
If I stay out past my shifts, and overtime hours work too.
‘Twas a car wreck way out west, so I hurried toward the east.
What else could I have done to keep overtime hours their least?
All appeared to be so tranquil; but then, to my surprise,
In the midst of that old highway I saw this pair of eyes!
Oh No! There are cattle out! What should I do about this?
If I call in about this one, would any claim old Bess?
I can’t sit here all night long for one old bovine’s hide.
Somehow, or in someway, I’ll just drive her to the side!
I got out there to chase her. She looked me in the eye
As saying, “I ain’t goin’ no matter how hard you try!”
I fired off some gun shots, but never she did budge...
Until, with sirens blaring, with my car I her did nudge.
As through the fence she tore, more problems I could see;
But not if I left quickly; Yes, I thought it best to flee!
I traveled down the highway, relieved I’d not be late;
But then my radars quealed: “He’s doing ninety-eight!”
My mind then filled with thoughts: “He could be drunk, or maybe high.
If any of that were true, my overtime might fly.”
I was ready to turn about and chase him to a stop;
But instead I reached right down and unplugged that radar clock.
All was quiet once again, I drove only empty byways.
I should make it home if I avoid those busy highways.
Oh No! What did I see? A body by the road side!
It’s not good for county budgets to work a homicide!
How could I help and save the day? Should I dig a grave?
With only a G.I. shovel, I sure would have to slave!
Well equipped with rubber gloves, I loaded up the dead,
And drove across the county line to dump him there instead.
Yes, I kept my shift a quiet night; kept down overtime too.
On some nights, that is easy; on others, it’s hard to do!
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Randy Moll is the managing editor of the Westside Eagle Observer. He may be reached by e-mail at rmoll @ nwaonline .com.
Opinion, Pages 6 on 10/20/2010