GRIZ BEAR COMMENTS A common denominator to explain my adversity to clothes shopping

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

I don't mind peace and quiet, but there is an unbearable kind of peace and quiet that happens every once in a while when I say or do the wrong thing around Mrs. Griz. It's that kind of quiet that just makes a fellow feel lower than dirt and question his whole reason for existence.

Anyway, I had a long peaceful and quiet drive back home on Saturday, with ample time for self examination and repentance, and it remained pretty much the same in my corner of the house for a good part of the day.

Yes, no doubt, it is my fault, and she says she remains quiet so she won't say what comes to mind and make matters worse, though sometimes I wish she would just let me have it and get it over with all at once so the suffering would be done.

What did I do? Well, let me explain. Since it was my birthday last weekend, she was determined to take me shopping for some nicer clothes to wear to church - well, let me correct that, it started out as a new sport coat and I had talked her down to just a shirt and pair of pants. I had acquiesced to going but a complication began to rear its ugly head when she wanted to go to a nice and reputable clothing store and I suggested beginning at a more economical shopping mart.

With that somewhat stressed situation in play, I apparently misunderstood an unrelated statement of hers as a criticism and pointed out how I felt about it. At that point, she suggested that, if I was going to be like that, any attempt at shopping would be hopeless and we may as well go home, which I did. And the drive back home seemed a lot longer than when we had come.

With attempting to talk about it being futile because I had quite apparently already ruined the day, I tried to figure out why it is that I have such a resistance to setting foot inside quite a number of larger chain department stores which specialize in clothing. To be honest, I'm almost as bad as a mule determined notto go, or like some dogs I've had which had to be drug into the veterinarian's office skidding on all four.

I was only being honest with Mrs. Griz when I told her of the several stores she suggested, “Honey, I hate going in there.”

It's true that I'm not a fan of fancy clothing and would prefer to wear jeans and cowboy boots everywhere, but I'm not sure that is the reason. It could also be the prices. I hate to spend a lot for clothes I don't like a lot, but I don't like going in to those stores even if I'm not buying. What is it?

As I drove down the road in silence, I tried to think back and recall if I had somehow been traumatized as a child in one of those stores. Did I ever watch a horror movie involving store mannequins? Nothing came to mind. In fact, it used to be kind of a treat to go inside one of the chainstores when it was located on Main Street and a lot smaller in size. I can still remember the creaky sound of the old wooden floor there. Could it be the smell of the clothing inside, or the attitude of the store staffs? What could have changed?

After much analysis, I think I may have found a common denominator - and this might be something a lot of those clothing stores ought to study and consider when setting up shop. It's dark inside. No, it's not dark-dark, but it is darker than some department stores with brightly lit aisles. It is dark enough to be dreary and dismal, and the screeching of all the hangers on the clothes racks is just plain annoying- especially to a guy who would prefer fewer choices (a couple different brands of jeans would be OK), enough light to read the size and price tag and a clear line ofsight to escape through the front doors.

And why so dark? Why not turn up the lights so a fellow can see what a garment will look like in the sunshine? Are the dimmed lights an attempt to make a person look better in the new clothing? Is it designed to alter a shopper’s mood into lethargy so any concern over the prices is forgotten? I don’t know the reasoning, but I don’t think I like it.

I know my theory might need a little more supporting data, and I expect it could be a while before Mrs. Griz decides to take me clothes shopping again. But when she does, I may have plenty of quiet time to reexamine my anti-shopping phobia.

Randy Moll is the managing editor of the Westside Eagle Observer. He may be reached by e-mail at rmoll@ nwaonline .com.

Opinion, Pages 6 on 04/06/2011