OFF THE CUFF

A box of matches can stir up more than flames

— I don’t know why I was surprised. It was bound to happen. I bought a box of matches the other day. They were strike-onthe-box type. They’re not my favorites. I like strikeanywhere matches - the kind that when that little abrasive strip on the box expires, I can still strike ‘em on a rock, or my pant leg or on the screen door (before plastic screens).

The box I bought, in small print, advised me that a box of 300 strikeanywhere kitchen matches is also available. But where?I haven’t been able to find “anywheres” anywhere.

But I digress. What really caught my eye was the matchbox. It sort of resembled the old familiar red, white and blue Diamond Matches box. It said “Diamond,” but I noted that Diamond, Inc., has been replaced by Heartmark, dba Jarden Home Brands, a division of Jarden Corp.

The top of this new Diamond box was half covered with a semicircle filled with green leaves. It also featured the word “greenlight” with rays radiating from acircle. Neatly printed below were the words: “Sourced from responsible forests.”

What in the world is a “responsible” forest? What is it responsible for?

There was also another large blob of type on the opposite side of the box: “Diamond Greenlight Matches - 1st American match sourced from responsibly managed Aspen forests of Minnesota. FSC certification guaranteed that Diamond Greenlight Matches comply with strict socioeconomic & environmental standards of selective cutting regulations and land management.”

So, that’s what a responsible forest is. Paul Bunyan must be rolling off his log.

Reading further on the box were the usual words: “Caution. Close box before striking” and “Keep awayfrom children.” But there, neatly printed, were these specific instructions: “Ideal for lighting candles, stoves, grills, fireplaces and campfires.” Great Scott. So that’s what a match is for? Have we really become such a dumbed-down society we have to have a label on the use for a match?

There was also an ominous line of very small type which read: “The match tip in this product contains perchlorate materials,” whatever that means. Read on.

The entire box was encased in a clear wrapper which was as hard to open as one of those little packages of crackers restaurants serve with salads.

Pasted on the outside of that clear wrapper was a piece of paper. I almost wept as I read these words: “California Proposition 65Warning: Combustion of this manufactured product results in the emission of carbon dioxide, soot and other combustion byproducts which are known by the state of California to cause cancer, birth defects or respiratory harm.”

I know. I can’t believe it either. But the real clincher met my eyes when I finally opened the box. There, lined neatly in rows, were the matches. Not the solid red tips normally found on matches nor the redwith-white tip on those hard-to-find “anywheres.” No. There, staring out in all their greening society splendor, were green-tipped matches. We’ve come a long way, baby.

There was one redeeming bit of information that somewhat restored my faith that the sky has not completely crumbled. The box proclaimed: “Made in the USA since 1881.” That beats what was written on the last two boxes of matches I saw. One came from Chile, the other from India. May the saints be praised.

Just to put things in perspective, Jarden is an American corporation, headquartered in Rye, N.Y. It markets products worldwide and employs some 25,000 people. Just a few of its well-known brands include Ball, Coleman, Shakespeare, Crock Pot, Mr. Coffee, Seala-Meal, Kerr, Sunbeam and Rival.

But green matches? California, you can have ‘em!

Dodie Evans is the editor emeritus of the Westside Eagle Observer and may be contacted by e-mail at [email protected].

Opinion, Pages 6 on 08/10/2011