December arrives with a flurry of activities - shopping, wrapping and mailing gifts, cleaning and decorating our homes, baking treats and special holiday dishes, attending concerts and seasonal plays. Our thoughts focus on Dec. 25 and anticipation, especially in children, rises to a feverish pitch. Urgent requests are put in for all the latest toys and namebrand clothing (to both Santa and parents, just in case!). Some sleep fitfully or not at all on Christmas Eve as thoughts of the coming morning race through little heads.

Then suddenly it’s over. The living room is littered with crushed paper and tangled ribbons, theholiday goodies are eaten and the sink stuffed with dirty dishes, pots and pans. Trash bags stuffed with garbage and debris are waiting by the back door to be carried to the curb. Often we’re feeling a little under the weather from overindulging in rich foods, tired from overdoing and too little sleep, just generally disappointed at how the day went. Why the letdown?Because we’ve had all our hopes riding on a single day; we’ve held unrealistic expectations.

We need to be aware that Christmas is not a cure-all. One day, no matter now special, won’t take care of all the problems in the world, the problems in our family, the problems within ourselves. After the day has come and gone we won’t be any more patient, intelligent, creative ororganized. Neither our self-esteem or our bank account will be any higher. Family members will still have health problems, worries and pains. Yet we go on hoping and feeling bad when the holiday is over and our dreams haven’t materialized.

Therapists suggest taking the focus off a single day and spreading family activities out weeks before the holidays. It’s a nice time to revive the old habit of reading aloud to each other in the evenings, a common activity before the days of radio and TV. Gather the family around the table for hot chocolate and cookies. Open each greeting card and read it, then share memories of the sender, remembering when you met or what is special about that person.Focus on others instead of yourself and you’ll have happier holidays next year.

Even young children should be taught the joy of giving. A few weeks before Christmas you can ask your children to choose a favorite toy to give to some less fortunate child. Involve your youngsters in charitable activities, collecting food for giving to the food pantry, donating a warm coat or buying a hat, scarf and gloves for someone who needs them. Adopt a child from an area “angel tree” and let your children help fulfill the requests. These gestures help them understand that when they receive, it’s because someone else gave. You may be surprised at their generosity and willingness to give.

We should also focus on including the elderly in our celebrations. Holidays can be a difficult time for older people. During the weeks before Christmas you might help a senior citizen put up or decorate a tree. Bake a double batch of cookies and share the extra. Take a group to carol at your elderly friend’s home or take them with you to church or to school programs. Invite them to share the holiday meal at your home. Above all, don’t include them now and forget them later. Make the holidays a springboard for caring all year long.

Author Marjorie Holmes wrote, “At Christmas, all roads lead home.” I enjoy getting cards from distant family and friends at theholidays, bringing them home in spirit if they can’t be here in person. Last week I received a photo greeting from cousins with pictures of their new grandbaby and new sonin-law, a card from a high school classmate with several photos of grandkids and welcome cards and notes from all over the country.

We patronized the band boosters fundraiser and dined on bowls of their tasty chili on a recent Friday evening. In the midst of our busy days I stopped by the senior center a couple of days and enjoyed lunch and visiting with friends there. Relatives from Tulsa have visited on two recent Saturdays and a call came through last Tuesday inquiring about Gravette folks. A cousin from Texas came up and spent a couple of nights and we leafed through my scrapbook pages and shared memories of many happy occasions.

It was a lovely way to close out the year.

Susan Holland, who works for the Westside Eagle Observer, is a life-long resident of Benton County.

Opinion, Pages 5 on 12/28/2011