OPINION? EVERYBODY HAS ONE

All in a day's trip to town

— My close relative and I went to the big city today, not the capital or anything like that, just the town with more than one street.

We needed some stuff, weed killer, fly spray, tractor grease and rake teeth. It takes a day to do all that running around and I would rather work stretching barb wire fences. I wouldn’t be any more worn either.

We did have a nice lunch at the fast food place. Went inside and sat down at the little plastic table and ate with a plastic fork. The fries are really good there but mine got cold while I tried to squeeze enough catsup out of the little packages. My close relative ate a salad and commented several times about the sins of eating fried foods at my age. She dang near ruined my half-pound burger!

We wasted a day of sunshine and growing grass, but I guess that happens to all of us cattlemen once in awhile. It would have been right unhandy to take her car and haul all the farm things, and you can’t haul most of it in the rain in a pickup bed. I listened to surly comments about the dirt on the dash, the pile of receipts in a paper sack and the seven or eight coffee cups in the floor. Other than that, it was a pleasure to waste a lovely day.

And that brings up the subject of getting up on the wrong side of the bed. My close relative is soft-spoken, wise, pleasant, easy to smile and a very good reflection of a genuine Southern Lady. What happens to that picture is not pretty when she gets cranky and the cranky spells are not to be explained. Wrong side of the bed is what we generally lay it off on, but I suspect it is more likely aches and pains.

The aches and pains of life aren’t always physical as most of you fellers know. The offspring and Grands, rain or lack of it, money and lack of it are just a few of the items that bring on bellyaches. The other side of that coin is difficult to see when troubles are blinding us.

I was in the tractor dealership a little longer than I wanted to be and the interior of my truck was sure enough cloudy when I did get back in. Pretty chilly with turbulence of wind and some hail possible! I suggested buying her, the close relative, an ice cream cone or a big orange drink and was hastily informed of the fat content and sugarin both. Then, without warning, the tears started flowing.

Questioning was out of the question! I just pulled up to a station and filled up with gas, washed the windshield, bought a package of gum and talked to the boy with baggy pants. Time to allow for nose blowing and regaining composure was calculated and then I returned to the vehicle.

It is my opinion, and everyone has one, it sometimes takes tears to wash the burr out from under the blanket. A good bawl is a stress reliever for the one stressed and the stressee! It was 42 miles to the home place, and I found out way more than I needed to know about unkind remarks made at the Benevolent Women’s Association meeting.

We all need to leave our saber-sharp tongues at the sheriff’s office and pick them up on the way out of town. Bloodshed is a cruel and dastardly deed when a sharp tongue begins to tear into flesh. My Book says the tongue is hard to tame and should be carefully restrained. I think it also means do not tear into a Grand and smile about it, add bless their heart and expect it to be smoothed over.

I sure rode a rough road today and, all in all, I felt a little cranky after she spilled the beans too!

Bill is the pen name used by the Gravette author of this weekly column.

Opinion, Pages 6 on 05/25/2011