GRIZ BEAR COMMENTS

Why does she need a new purse, anyway?

I have been trying my best to understand Mrs. Griz’ reasoning for going out and buying a new purse from time to time, but one of us just doesn’t make any sense and I don’t think that person is me.

For whatever reason, whether the season of the year, a change in styles or having outgrown her old purse - I don’t know - Mrs. Griz just becomes convinced she needs a new one. It’s not that the old purse is worn out or ragged because the old ones have years of useful service left in them - at least the way Mrs. Griz uses them.

I ask her why she wants a new purse and tell her I don’t go out and buy anew wallet on a whim. I wait until my old one is falling apart and about to let stuff fall out of it. And that doesn’t happen all that often - every four or five years at the most and usually much longer.

The last few times I’ve tagged along while she was purse shopping, I suggested a few smaller bags which would have had plenty of room for her wallet, hair brush, keys and a considerable amount of other stuff; but she told me she needed a bigger purse because the smaller ones I suggested just wouldn’t hold all the things she was accustomed to carrying.

“Carrying?” I wondered. Mrs. Griz doesn’t really carry a purse except between the house and her car. The rest of the time, it sets on the floor beneath her feet or in the seat next to her, just holding her stuff together in one place.

And I understand why she doesn’t carry her purse. It’s too heavy to lug around everywhere and would probably cause her some sort of skeletal damage or deformity if she carried it all the time. Years in the future, if some archeologist happened to unearth her skeletal remains, he’d know she carried a heavy burden through life.

Purses her size don’t really meet the definition of a purse anyway - according to the dictionary, they are supposed to be a small bag or pouch and not a duffle bag that needs reinforced shoulder straps to get it off the ground. I haven’t looked all that close, but it wouldn’t surprise me a bit if the surgeon general hadn’t had the manufacturers include a warning label somewhere inside regarding the health hazards of carrying such a heavy bag.

There have been a few times I’ve had to carry my wife’s purse between the house and the car for her, and I was amazed at all the stuff she has in there - I think it might even contain a few of the tools I’ve been missing, you know, pliers, hammer, screwdrivers, electric drill and the like. I know I saw a tape measure or two in there.

And even though it has compartments and dividers, finding anything inside that purse can be a nightmare. She often has to dig around for several minutes and sometimeseven dumps it all out to find such things as her car keys and ringing cell phones.

When she talks about needing a new purse, I get a bit critical. I’ve suggested on more than one occasionthat she just get a big burlap sack and dump all her stuff in there and set it on the floorboard of her car. It will hold a lot more than most of her purses and I expect they cost a lot less too! After all, why does she need fine leather or cloth if she’s just going to leave her purse in the house or car and not carry it?

The feed sack idea failed. It could have to do with style and appearances or it could be because the sacks don’t usually have inside compartments, so I’ve become even more practical in my suggestions.

“Instead of buying a new purse, how about buying a big compartmentalized tool box?” I asked her. “A tool box would workgreat,” I added. “You could organize everything in the drawers and compartments and never have to dump it all out again. Things would be easy to find. And, since you just carry it around in the car,it wouldn’t matter that your purse bore the name of a tool company on the outside.”

My suggestion would work perfect for her. She could haul everything she might need with her in the car, including a few tools, just in case she broke down.

Buying a big tool box with drawers and compartments sounded OK to her, but she wanted it to organize other stuff in the garage and not to replace her purse.

Maybe I could suggest one of those compartmentalized bags with pockets for almost everything that truckers hang from their seats. That ought to work! Of course too, she could decide to send me truckin’ for a while.

Randy Moll is the managing editor of the Westside Eagle Observer. He may be reached by e-mail at [email protected].

Opinion, Pages 6 on 10/05/2011