NORTHWEST ARKANSAS — I heard a strange sound and sorta woke up and tried to listen. You know how hard it is to tell if it is a dream or maybe your own self snoring, maybe just the house settling. But, now, about half awake, there it was again. It was louder than the first time and this time it sounded sorta like a crunch and thump.

I eased out of bed and slipped on my house shoes. I sure couldn’t figure what in the world could make that sound in the middle of the night, and I intended to find out before it got plumb away or hurt me, one or the other!

I been living in this house since I was young and I don’t need to turn on the lights to get around, so I just tiptoed to the door and carefully pulled it open. There was that crunch again, sounded like it was coming from the kitchen and something was starting to smell, too.

Old Dog was as surprised as I was when I flipped on the light. He was caught with his nose in the trash and had found the package of chicken bones. Delighted and thrilled, he was taking care of business! There wasn’t too big a mess, but Dog was sorta damp and smelled just like a wet dog.

The wind had blown open the back door and he had made his way into the house. I guess he figured it was his duty to protect the inside as well as the outside.

It was about six and I was awake when I got the mess cleaned up and the smellum-good sprayed around to kill the wet dog odor. I made coffee and sat down to enjoy the sound of the sprinkles on the roof. What a wonderful way to spend a few minutes, listening to the sound of rain.

My close relative woke up and appeared in the door, smelled the coffee and heard the rain. She was as tickled as me to have some moisture, and about as surprised, too.

The weather man said we had a 60 percent chance that the front coming in would bring us some rain, which means that we had a 40 percent chance it would not bring in anything but more heat and humidity.

Sure was a blessing to get the rain!

I was so proud of myself for getting the mess cleaned up, and the close relative would never know I had not fixed the door so the wind couldn’t blow it open yet and that Dog had been in the house. Things were going along fine until she went to the trash can to throw away the egg shells.

She slid about three yards, knocked a vase of flowers flying off a shelf, threw herself into the cook stove and landed upside down.

It is my opinion, and everyone has one, men don’t know that grease from chicken bones has to be removed with something stronger than a paper towel.

My Sainted Mother did not give me that lesson, and so, therefore, I suspect that this is a word to the wise! Always, I mean, every time you clean up chicken scraps, use some of that squirt stuff to get up the grease!

My close relative was not injured, but me and Dog are lucky to still be drawing air!

Bill is a pen name used by the Gravette author of this weekly column.

Opinion, Pages 6 on 08/29/2012