OPINION? EVERYBODY HAS ONE: Bovine calves lack in brightness

— I figure dust pneumonia is the culprit that is affecting my coughing calves. Maybe not fullblown pneumonia, but they have more dirt in their lungs than they ought to have. They don’t want to do much but hang around in the shade and wait for dusk and a cooler air. The old momma cows aren’ttoo frisky either.

We gathered the spring calvers about daylight and put them through the chute as quickly and quietly as possible. This was the second dose of dewormer and I hate the fact that you gotta gather them a couple of weeks after the real work is done. The cows are so leery of having to comeback in and the calves are not bright yet.

You know what I mean by not being very bright. Calves are born stupid. That is a fact and there are tons of proof of my statement. The poor little things are just pitifully lacking in the brain department. I know wild antelope and other critters have their calves, and the infants must get up and be ready to run in ten minutes; but a domesticated bovine is just a hide with some bones inside it for the first six months.

One of the best pictures of ranch life is a little calf’sface, big eyes and long lashes, pink nose and perky ears. That seems to touch the hearts of even outlaws, but not if they have ever had to deal with one of them. A bottle calf is the worst of all. They will eat you alive if you are in the pen with them. And they will hit the bottle so hard you could come out with broken bones or worse!

A pasture calf will stay where it’s mammy puts it even if you are on a tractor and about to run over it. Then when it gets old enough to be skittish, it will run through fences, intoponds, over cowboys and horses. The brain develops slowly and, given plenty of rich cow milk, it will finally get to be about half smart. They seem to need at least a year to grow into a real and useable lobed brain.

All old cows aren’t to be compared to Einstein, either. But most of the cows are followers and will fall into line behind the boss cows. I am one old cattleman that is forever grateful to pecking-order winners. The good boss cows are a blessing when it is time to move from one pasture to another or move home.

It is my opinion, andeveryone has one, a rain would sure be nice and it can come on anytime now! The cows have been worked, the hay is in, and I am ready to sit on the front porch and drink coffee while it rains. Me and my close relative enjoy a good steady rain about as much as a good cutting contest!

About those calves, have patience, they are without for a reason. God knew it would be too easy on cattlemen if they were born smart!

Bill is a pen name used by the Gravette author of this weekly column.

Opinion, Pages 6 on 07/04/2012