NORTHWEST ARKANSAS — Aside from all the trees and wiggly roads, another almost-daily sight which tells me, “Griz, you’re not in northwest Kansas anymore,” is the great number of dead armadillos along the roadways here in Arkansas.

While the roads in northwest Kansas have their share of dead animals, you just don’t see armadillos. A fellow’s likely to see a lot of big deer along the roadside in northern Kansas, along with rabbit, opossum, raccoon, skunk and an occasional coyote; but armadillos just aren’t found there - either the ground is too hard or the winters are too cold! But here, in northwest Arkansas, you can’t go anywhere without seeing one of those armor-backed critters squashed on the highway or laying on the shoulder with all four feetpointed straight up.

Mrs. Griz has even jokingly said of them, “They must be waiting for the rapture.”

The only other animal that seems to rank up there in numbers with dead armadillos are the escaped chickens that apparently miscalculated their speed or flying ability when jumping the truck hauling them to the processing plant.

Considering how many dead armadillos I’ve seen on the roads and highways in the years I've lived here, I’m really surprised at how few I've seen living. I remember Mrs. Griz calling me one night, saying she was looking at the first live armadillo she had ever seen along the road. The next day when she went back to work, she called me a little broken up to say he had been squashed.

I can't help but conclude that armadillos must notbe too bright, at least when it comes to crossing roads and highways. I’ve read, too, that their eyesight is not good - a possible excuse - but wonder how they could miss seeing oncoming headlights or hearing the roar of engines and tires as vehicles approach.

One article I read to learn a little more about the creatures said that an armadillo will jump straight up into the air when frightened, causing him to be hit by the undercarriage of an oncoming car even when the driver thought to straddle the poor creature. Perhaps, too, they just jump for joy after being missed by the front bumper and tires only to be knocked dead in the air by the rear differential or back axle.

I’ve heard that some folks have a real battle on their hands when an armadillo, or a whole family of them,roots around and digs up lawn and flower bed looking for some juicy grubs or bugs to eat. But can you really blame an animal that pays no attention to oncoming headlights, and even jumps up to be sure he’s not missed by a passing car, if he mistakes a lawn or flower bed for his natural habitat?

With their heavy armor, the “little armored ones” naturally sink in water, I've read; but that doesn’t stop them from crossing creeks and rivers to make it to their demise on the highways. They can hold their breath for about five or six minutes and just cross on the bottom, coming up for air on the other side. If the body of water is too wide to do this, they can swallow air, inflating their stomach to twice its size, and swim across. Once across, they can deflate themselveswithin a couple of hours, leaving me to wonder how it is they get rid of all that hot air. I cannot help but wonder, too, what happens if they miscalculate the width of a body of water and realize half way across that they should have swallowed air instead of walking on the bottom.

Perhaps it’s because of their problems with highways that armadillos always bear quadruplets - each egg divides twice. Not only does that make them useful for scientific studies since each armadillo has three identical brothers or sisters, but it increases the chance for a family line to survive when crossing Highway 59 - surely one out of four might make it to the other side!

And, did you know that armadillos, like humans, can contract leprosy? That’s why some states frown on keeping armadillos as pets.

It’s probably a good thing, too. If you think of the number of children who are already heart-broken when a pet dog or cat fails to look both ways before crossing the street, there would be little joy or happiness among children if they had pet armadillos which naturally burrow under fences and take entirely too much time getting to the other side of the road.

While doing my Internet research to gain a better understanding of the creatures which attract flies and add aroma to area highways, I also found recipes for eating the armadillo. There were recipes for meatballs, chops, stews and chili. Not surprisingly, a good number of armadillo dishes were listed along with other road-kill entrees.

Yes, perhaps they are tasty; but I think I’ll pass them by and let them just wait for the rapture!

Randy Moll is the managing editor of the Westside Eagle Observer. He may be reached by email at rmoll@nwaonline.com.

Opinion, Pages 6 on 06/06/2012