GRAVETTE — I got the urge to load up my close relative and make a trip to the big town - bigger than our town - and shop at the warehouse store for some stuff. I needed oil and grease, a couple of other new tools and some gloves.

I like buying a dozen leather gloves at once so I can always find a pair with complete fingers.

We got to town about half afternoon, plenty oftime to shop and then find the best steak house in town. I figured she, my close relative, would need some supplies for headquarters and she had quickly agreed. I dropped her off at the door and finally found a spot to park about a quarter of a mile away. She met me inside and informed me that we both needed to take a cart.

I took my cart and headed off to the area ofmanly things; she stopped me by running interference and bumping into my cart. Next, I was informed I should make contact with her in no less than fifteen minutes and at the exact spot she named, next to the cake display case. I am real good at finding that area.

I thought she was going to gather up her supplies in the time I was going to gather mine and we would be ready to check out in the allotted fifteen minutes. My good men, pay attention here, never ever depend upon your own reasoning when shopping. I was so wrong. So silly of me to dream she would be completely throughshopping in that window of time; I must have had a mini-stroke to even have imagined it!

I followed as directed, my cart being loaded with at least 25 rolls of paper towels and toilet tissue, three bottles of catsup, six tubes of toothpaste, six rolls of masking tape, 24 rolls of scotch tape, 48 cans of chicken broth, and then I sorta lost count as my eyes glazed over. My close relative barked, although pretty quietly, for me to come on, follow closely, not so darn close and on and on.

I was wishing I had been in the hayfield, fighting bugs and heat, bucking 90-pound bales of damphay instead of there. I was struggling to see over the top of my load, and we stopped in front of the men’s underwear. There were probably a dozen or so women standing around digging through the shorts and tee shirts when my close relative began questioning me about my desires of colors and styles.

Enough is enough, and I headed for the front and the check out lanes. Close on my heels, I could hear disgruntled murmurings and threats concerning my hide. My jaw was set and we got in line, my cart first and then hers.

It is my opinion, and everyone has one, sometimesit does not pay to travel in pairs. It only cost me $400 and some change to get out of there, and I was in deep domestic trouble to boot. We loaded up the excess supplies and just barely made room for my oil, headed home and nary a word was spoken.

I got an egg sandwich for supper and was blessed with a glass of ice water. No dessert and not a kind word, either! But what color and what style I prefer is still my business, not to be broadcast to strangers!

Sometimes egg sandwiches are right tasty.

Bill is a pen name used by the Gravette author of this weekly column.

Opinion, Pages 6 on 06/13/2012