LETTER TO THE EDITOR: Westside Eagle Observer Opinion

— Editor,

I guess I’ll jump into the political arena, but I need to think of an office that I might enjoy and be able to do the least amount of work. No need to hurry. I need to have the title of some elected office figured out before I start to filling out my application for establishing a super political action committee.

I would really like to run for a federal office because I think that just might be where the really big money is. I don’t want to be a senator. I’d have to hug too many babies during the campaign.

Being a congressman might not be too bad. Seems all you have to do after you get to Washington is to find out which seat is yours and be able to read the hand signals of the leader of your party.The most important rule is to never stand up if the president does not claim the same political affiliation as you.

I really, really wanted a federal post but there just aren’t that many for an old boy from Arkansas, so I just might be able to work thisto my advantage and go for a local position. If those super political action committee rules apply for federal elections, I could probably persuade the Supreme Court to rule in my favor or at least get by for several years while my case dragged through the court system.

Why did I not think about the one office I am pretty certain I would be qualified for: County coroner? I have seen enough skinned knuckles and knees in my life to determine the cause of death. I had a black eye a couple of times, so I certainly would be able to determine if a person was killed or was just beaten to death by a parent or sibling.Don’t worry about real bad people beating someone to death, they just take a gun or knife and get it over with without taking the chance of letting their own blood flow. I don’t think the coroner even has to see the body to fill in the cause of death on the death certificate. If someone told me their husband or wife drowned in a coffee cup or their cereal bowl while eatingbreakfast, I would certainly believe them. Why not?

Hope this job pays pretty good money or has some real good benefits. I turn my head on TV shows that depict persons getting stabbed, shot, choked, mangled, drowned or just plain old dead. I believe in ghosts and I definitely do not intend to conjure up a ghost just because I got the cause of death wrong.

Should I, with no medical training whatsoever about the intricate causes of death, be expected to get it correct? I’ve had a Red Cross CPR class a couple of times and I’ve given about a gallon of blood over the years.

My super political action committee is going to need a large infusion of cash, so send the money. I would rather have bills no larger than a twenty. I expect to win this election by a landslide and move on to greener pastures during the next election cycle.

Thank you for your cash and support.

My Sister’s Brother Amos Carver, Gentry

Opinion, Pages 5 on 03/28/2012