NORTHWEST ARKANSAS — I am running on emotions today. I have to do the regular stuff, check cattle, feed penned cattle, run water, talk to my close relative and act normal. Normal, whatever that is for me, is not what I am today. My insides are shaky and my tongue is feeling weird.
I have dreaded the day for many years that I would suddenly realize that time has slipped by, been spent, elapsed and is gone. It happened this morning real early, about 3:30 a.m. The phone call jarred me out of bed and I was wide awake when I said hello into the receiver.
That sort of thing is a terror to all of us who have children or cattle; we don’t know which of them are introuble.
This morning it was my Pappy’s uncle Joe. Seems he stood up beside his bed in the Veteran’s Home and yelled, “Look out, he’s got a gun,” and collapsed on the floor. He was 101 and, except for being worn out, he was in pretty good shape. That statement is sorta strange since he died; but as I stated, he was all worn out and used up. We can understand when we are all worn out, nothing works and, if it does, it drains our batteries!
I think I figured Uncle Joe was immortal. He was 12 years younger than Pappy, a hard-living feller, always on the prowl for a pretty girl and a good time. Pappy didn’t want to talk about him too much,afraid it would influence my sister, I suspect, or me. We had the best times when he would come in for the holidays and regale us with his escapades. All of us cousins would follow him to the barn and he would cut us all a chew from his plug. It didn’t seem to matter if we knew we were gonna be sick, we chewed it anyway!
Uncle Joe served his time in the war and, when he came home, he had changed forever. He got a job on a pipeline and worked hard. He saved his money and, as far as I know, never drank a drop of hard liquor or chased women. He married a pretty lady in Nebraska and she died in childbirth, and their son died that same day. Uncle Joe bought a place in the area and stayed there, raising hogs and fighting the droughts and grasshoppers.
I visited him once a year. Now I am sick that I didn’tgo more often. I was told by my sainted mother that I should do important things because people do die and I would someday be sorry I hadn’t done it. Today is that day, and I am sorry. Regrets are worthless chattel, yet they are bulky and heavy to carry.
It is my opinion, and everyone has one, I am gonna visit my friends, have them out for supper, go to town with them and buy them a cup of coffee every chance I get. I intend to tell my family nice things every day so they will always remember that I treasured them when I cash in and go to my real home.
I want to lessen my load of regrets, lighten my steps and be the kind of feller I should be for the rest of my time here.
Big talk for a mere man! I know and recognize that, but I am certainI could do better than I have, and I hope this reminds you to try it. We just have a season and it will frost on us beforewe realize our years are spent!
Bill is a pen name used by the Gravette author of this weekly column.
Opinion, Pages 6 on 10/17/2012