GRIZ BEAR COMMENTS: Longhorn Sermons

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Sometimes I’m just sure that God gave me Mrs. Griz to keep life interesting. Well, if not, it could be that Mrs. Griz thinks so.

Please don’t read me wrong. I’m not embarrassed to be married to Mrs. Griz or to have her at my side wherever I may go, but she does have this knack of saying things in times and at places I just might not say them. I try to tease her back, but she is so much better at it than I am.

I’ve already told you how she likes to tell stories about me and things I have done which might not always reflect well on my intelligence. The fact that they are true is no excuse for telling them just to see my face turn red.

Well, on one Sunday a few years back, she did it at church, no less, and before almost the entire congregation. You see, the former pastor had this practice once each month at the opening of Sunday school to allow a member - a different one each month - to put an item, unknown to him, in a small gift box. He would open the box and use that item as an illustration for some spiritual truth before everyone went on to their regular Bible classes.

I always thought the practice was a little dangerous, myself, because a fellow never knew what type of item would be in the box and how far a stretch of parabolic imagination would be needed to turn that item into a meaningful and Biblical illustration.

Well, one Sunday a young member placed a small polished stone in the box with the painted logo of a Texas Longhorn on it - you know, the kind on the uniforms of certain athletic teams from this little Texas town called Austin.

I think the former pastor was baffled at this one. After all, how do you use a Texas Longhorns' logo for a spiritual illustration - and especially in Arkansas?

As an arch rival of Arkansas, I suppose his allusions to the devil might have been fitting - the devil does try to rob us of the victory. But not everyone in the congregation was quite in tune enough to that rivalry to grasp any kind of demonic inference from a Texas Longhorn logo. Some even shared some sympathies for the Lone Star State for a variety of reasons.

But Mrs. Griz broke any possible tension over sports rivalries with her remark which, she said, she heard from her father-in-law, who happens to be a minister who lives in a certain small town in Nebraska. And then, in church, she said it.

“My father-in-law calls a lot of sermons ‘longhorn sermons,’” she said. “They have a point here and a point there and a lot of bull in between!”

Well, how do you answer that one? It was blunt and quite to the point from whichever side you look at it. I have, myself, heard my father say that very thing. She wasn’t misstating the facts.

I can’t say her remark isn’t true, either. I’ve heard quite a few sermons like that, though I must say I’ve also heard a lot of sermons which could better be compared to a polled bovine beast because there was no point to it at all.

Her remark certainly caught our former pastor off guard, but she did add clarification to assure him she was not, of course, making any inferences regarding his sermons but to those - well - of another group of pastors not restricted to Texas.

Anyway, after some smiles and laughter, that between-the-points part was over. I’m not sure how red my face got, but it went away. And, yes, she gave me another story to tell about her in my column.

Our former pastor, I’m sure, became extra careful about preaching any longhorn sermons. And I did too, when it was my turn to preach. After all, I certainly wouldn’t want to end up bearing the same brand as that other group of pastors Mrs. Griz was talking about when she repeated my father’s words publicly and in church!

But then again, I’ve given that illustration a bit more thought. Aren’t Texas longhorns a breed of beef cattle? In fact, isn’t it true that more folks are raising them again because of their leaner meat? And, aren’t most longhorn beef cattle raised as steers rather than bulls?

Perhaps a true longhorn sermon is actually a good thing! A couple of good and strong points can pierce deep and get right to the heart of the matter, and it’s good to have a whole lot of hearty beef in between. In fact, I think the Bible even encourages us to get into the meat of God’s Word - the solid food and not just the milk.

I wouldn’t want anyone hearing my sermons accusing me of making a couple of points and having a whole lot of bull in between; but neither would I want them going away and wondering, “Where’s the beef?”

So I figure, when I go to church, I’ll leave the bull at home and just preach good longhorn sermons which are quite to the point and backed by lots of good, hearty beef.

I suppose, though, I will have to be careful about preaching sermons which are way too long or the concept of longhorn sermons could take on a whole other meaning I might, just maybe, want to avoid.

Randy Moll is the managing editor of the Westside Eagle Observer. He may be contacted by email at [email protected].

Opinion, Pages 6 on 04/17/2013