OPINION? EVERYBODY HAS ONE: Don't forget to let out that odor which crept in

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The skunks are out and about around our rock pile. I gag at their skunky aroma, their waddling gait and their beady little eyes! I believe they are inhabited and possessed by demons straight from Hades!

My close relative, on the other hand, declares the species as great mousers and wearing lovely coats of stylish black and white.

We have enjoyed the wonderful spring-like weather and I sure do like to have the window opened about an inch on these wonderful pleasant nights. Seems like a feller can sleep deeper with fresh air in the room. I must insist on fresh air, untainted, pure country air for my night-time pleasure. I want air crisp and unused, not second-hand and already breathed. And I am not happy or pleased when old Grandpa Skunk walks by the yard fence and releases his body odor into my home.

The first thing that occursis the waking to a stench in my nostrils. I am allergic by choice to stenches; they cause me to become alert pretty quick. I woke up, not sorta, but wide awake and immediately slammed down the window, ripping off my middle fingernail in the process. Hurting pretty bad and only breathing real shallow, I proceeded to jam my little toe into the corner of the chest of drawers that I have always insisted didn’t belong there in the first place. By this time, I was not the only one up and the lights were on.

The dang skunk was thick in the air and my finger was slowly bleeding, but my toe hurt so bad I didn’t notice until I was told not to sprinkle blood everywhere! I can attest to the fact that an ice baggy is the prescription for a banged up stumped toe, but that causes pain in and of itself. I am not sure, but seems like struggling for breath incurs the advancement of acute agony.

My close relative was more than helpful; she was attacking the problems full force, dabbing my ripped fingernail area with something that burned to the bone and readjusting the ice bag as needed. My foot was turning blue, and I think the lack of oxygen and the ice applied could bring on gangrene within minutes!

It is my opinion, and everyone has one, the one basic rule of slamming down a window to shut out skunk stink must be followed by checking on the quality of outside air. The preservation of the aroma is sure and true if the varmint is gone, taking his perfume with him, and you have trapped his calling card inside.

Considering my pain and being almost stricken into a coma due to deprivation of oxygen, I was 10 minutes late in opening the house to freshness! I sure almost came within an inch of my life! All this I have said is for your benefit.

Remember to let out what has crept in! And, boots are a misery to a black and blue toe!

Bill is a pen name used by the Gravette author of this weekly column.

Opinion, Pages 4 on 02/27/2013