Crossing wires can have all kinds of interesting effects; but usually they’re pretty immediate - sparks, blown fuses, burnt wires, smoke, and the like. Well, we’ve got some crossed wires at our house, and it took the onslaught of some cold and windy weather to even notice it.

Mrs. Griz put the electric blanket on our bed because the nights started getting a bit brisk. I asked her if she got the dual controls right because she tends to like her side of the bed warmer than I like mine. Well, she assured me that she had it right. I believed her because the nights weren’t all that cold yet and both of us just set our controls on low.

But then there was that night when the temperature really fell and the north wind blew. We both turned our temperature controls up a bit. Well, Mrs. Griz must have felt a draft coming through the windows during the night and decided to turn her side up a few notches warmer. I started getting kind of hot, so I turned my side back down. You guessed it. Her side of the bed got colder, so she cranked up the heat even more. I woke up sweating and thought the temperature control on the electric blanket must be malfunctioning, so I turned my side off altogether. This didn’t help Mrs. Griz at all, so she turned her side up on high. A little later, I woke up half baked and went and turned the furnace thermostat down, too. I thought of going outside in my pajamas to cool off but was afraid the neighbors might see me so decided to just sit in the study for a while. When I finally went back to bed, I slept more comfortably with my covers pushed back on Mrs. Griz’ side of the bed.

I should have known what had happened, but I trusted Mrs. Griz and decided I just must be too warm blooded to need an electric blanket anyway. I would be sure and leave my side of the blanket turned off from now on.

Well, a couple nights later, Mrs. Griz decided it was cold enough to turn on her side of the blanket again. After a few minutes I noticed that my side of the bed was getting warm, and I reached over and found her side still cool. Then I knew it. Our bed was cross wired!

What should I do? I could move the bed and switch the controllers or just turn the blanket over to fix the problem. I suppose, too, I could trust Mrs. Griz to set my side just the way I like it and try to do the same for her; but what if I made her mad at me some day and she decided to kill me by slowly elevating my body temperature until, finally, spontaneous combustion kicked in?

You know, maybe I’ll just leave things the way they are and use my control to turn her side down low when I get cold and want her to turn up the control on her side to make my side warm. Then, when I get too hot, I’ll turn up her side and make her roast a bit, too. That way she’ll surely turn my side down.

If she tries to roast me out, I’ll just give her a taste of her own medicine. And, if she ties to freeze me out, I could just turn off her side of the blanket altogether and have her begging for mercy!

Randy Moll is the managing editor of the Westside Eagle Observer and can be reached by email at rmoll@ nwaonline.com.

Opinion, Pages 4 on 01/02/2013