We are responsible for our own happiness

Old Man Winter has dealt us a few more blows in the last two weeks with about a 4-inch snowfall the last Friday of February and more sleet and snow the middle of last week. Area schools have had to use more snow days and several events have been canceled or postponed. I'd get my calendar filled in and along would come another phone call or email regarding cancellations and I'd have to mark through the entry and move it elsewhere. Hopefully, we've seen the end of that juggling.

I went with Jim to repair some broken deck boards at the cabins at Big Springs on one of the last good days, and we ventured out to get haircuts just before the first storm. Then we had some difficulties after the bad weather moved in, with a frozen water pipe one day and the removal of our gas meter because of a leak the next. We've gotten by with a couple of borrowed space heaters and purchase of a clearance heater, but we've endured a few very chilly nights. We were certainly glad to see the sunshine and get the warmer temperatures on Saturday.

The daffodils out by Jim's mower shed suffered quite a setback after a couple of snowfalls just as they were about to bloom. They finally burst into bloom over the weekend, and hyacinth foliage has emerged in a pot in the cellar. Most of the snow has melted and Jim has lined up a helper to assist in replacing some of our gas lines. He's had two bad teeth pulled and the dentist says his gums are healing nicely. Things are looking up in several respects.

We believe that we will be happier when warm weather returns for good. We've heard others say that life will improve after they get a better job, make more money, get married, have a baby, buy a bigger house and so on. The truth is that not one of these accomplishments is guaranteed to make a difference. There is no magic secret to happiness. The Hollywood stars have constant access to glamorous parties, fancy cars, expensive homes and luxurious vacations. Yet, many admit they are vastly unhappy and reveal lives of depression, drug and alcohol addictions, broken marriages, troubled children and loneliness.

Dennis Prager, public speaker and talk show host, says that part of the problem is that we mistakenly equate fun and happiness. Going to an amusement park or a ballgame, watching a movie or going dancing are fun activities that help us relax, temporarily forget our problems and maybe even laugh. But these escapes from the daily routine can't bring true happiness. In fact, they may be harmful if an unhappy person begins to rely on them as an escape from his or her unhappiness, Prager says. Believing fun equals happiness actually lessens a person's chances of attaining real happiness.

In fact, true happiness often involves some pain. Prager uses the example of marriage and family life. A married person gives up some of the freedoms of the single life and sometimes finds it difficult to adjust to considering their partner's wishes. But a close marriage has its own rewards. Having children has its headaches, from the sleepless nights and diaper changes of childhood to all the worries associated with the teen years. But childless couples miss the hugs and cute remarks, the bedtime stories and tucking into bed at night. They never know the joys of watching a child grow up or playing with a grandchild.

Columnist Harvey Mackey, author of the New York Times bestseller "Pushing the Envelope," wrote that we are responsible for our own happiness. He titled one column, "We are as happy as we decide to be." We have a right to be happy, he said, but rights come with responsibilities and we should take that right and make it a responsibility. "In other words, you can have a change of heart without the transplant surgery. Be your own cardiologist," he urges.

Mackey encourages workers to seek a job they enjoy. Most folks spend roughly a third of their week working and commuting to work. "If you aren't happy at work, you're wasting a tremendous amount of time and energy," he says. He points out that when people aren't happy doing what they do, they don't do it as well as when they're happy. A happy worker is more productive, using his skills and talents to the best of his ability.

Susan Holland is longtime resident of Benton County and a staff member of the Westside Eagle Observer. She may be contacted by email at [email protected]. Opinions expressed are those of the author.