CHEROKEE CITY — In an effort to show he cares about small-town America, Donald Trump is planning to make an appearance at Cherokee City later this month. Trump is inviting all his supporters to the Aug. 20 event and is hoping all his opponents will be unable to find the place and protest against his campaign rhetoric.
Trump privately announced his plans in an email sent to Jim Stiller, former mayor of Cherokee City, but intercepted and released by WikiLeaks on Thursday. According to the email, Trump plans to fly in on his private helicopter and land near the fire department substation. From there, he plans to tour the town and greet Cherokee City residents near the old, boarded-up general store.
"My goal is to make America great again," Trump said in his email, "and if I can make Cherokee City great again, I can do the same for any small town in America," he added.
Not to be outdone, Hillary Clinton also offered to stop over in Cherokee City. After learning of Trump's plans while looking for her thousands of lost, classified emails on WikiLeaks, she also contacted Stiller later on Thursday to see if a visit might be of benefit to her campaign.
In her telephone communication with Stiller, intercepted by the National Security Administration and also hacked and published by WikiLeaks, she asked Stiller about the town's history and if soaking in the spring there might make her more appealing to the American people.
Hillary offered to come and later use her office, if elected, to make Cherokee City great again if the town would only contribute a few million dollars to the Clinton Foundation and give her husband, former president Bill Clinton, a speaking engagement there for several hundred thousand dollars so he could "pay their bills." She said she had connections to the Russians, the Chinese and to other foreign government officials who could get things done in Cherokee City in exchange for political favors in Washington.
Stiller, who was mayor when the town was still known as Hogeye and had a good number of stills and a nice hotel, said it would be nice if Cherokee City could be great again.
"Wouldn't it be nice to rebuild the old general store, the furniture store and the Cherokee House Hotel?" Stiller said. "I'd like to see Cherokee City be a boom town once again," he added. "I might even run for another term as mayor."
While Clinton was unsure if she would come -- "it's all about cash and not being associated with a hog's eye," she said -- Trump said he could make the little town great again even if he had to use his own money to do it.
"I've got experience at building casinos and hotels," Trump said. "We could put a casino just across the line in Oklahoma and build the Donald J. Trump Cherokee House Hotel on the Arkansas side. We could use the springs to fill a luxurious pool and spa," he added. "I can make Cherokee City great again. Clinton can't do it, but I can!"
When we last talked to Stiller, he wasn't quite sure how the small town could accommodate all the people sure to come when Trump, and possibly Clinton, arrive. He was currently working on a plan to bottle the town's spring water and to bring in a truckload of PortaPotties for guests. A welcome sign was being prepared for the dirt-road entrance into town promising at least a few votes for whoever could make Cherokee City great again.
Trump asked us to get the word out, but privately, so that all who supported him would be there on Aug. 20. He asked that those who oppose him, and crying babies, not read this announcement. Clinton reiterated her offer to come as soon as money is transferred into the Clinton Foundation's Swiss bank account.
S.A. Tired covers fictitious news from an unrealistic perspective for the Eagle Observer. He may be contacted by email at [email protected]. News and views in Spinning the News are claimed by no one else but the author.
Editorial on 08/10/2016