West-side readers plan to eat turkey in spite of appeals to eat something else

Spinning the News

WESTSIDE -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Turkeys is urging area residents to quit roasting a turkey on Thanksgiving and be more historically correct in the celebration of the holiday and eat foods more likely on the table at the first Thanksgiving observance in the Plymouth Colony in 1621.

"It's just not right," said Tom Wattle, president of PETT. "It's much more likely that the early colonists ate deer, ducks, geese, fish, clams and eel than turkey, so turkey shouldn't be the centerpiece on the Thanksgiving dinner table each year. It could even be that they ate passenger pigeons since they were abundant in those days, and look what happened to those birds," he added.

Of course, some are recommending that people celebrate the day by eating no meat at all. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, a sister organization to PETT, suggests eating turnips and fall garden vegetables instead.

"What's wrong with celebrating the day by eating green salads and a small sliver of pecan or pumpkin pie for dessert?" said Jenny Greenly, spokesperson for PETA. "You won't have to kill an animal and you just might leave the table with a clear conscience and a less bloated feeling," she said.

And, there's Tofurky, a meatless turkey substitute which comes in the form of a loaf or casserole of vegetarian protein, usually made from tofu or seitan with a stuffing made from grains or bread and then flavored with a broth and seasoned with herbs and spices.

"If you must eat something which tastes a lot like turkey, we recommend Tofurky instead of a read bird," said Jake Younger, media spokesman for PETT. "You sorta get the taste, but you don't mistreat a turkey, and that's a good thing," he said.

In an effort to determine the actual effects of the appeals of organizations like PETT and PETA on Thanksgiving dinners, we surveyed 2,000 of our readers to see what they plan to eat for Thanksgiving dinner and have included the results below:

Roasted Eel - 0; Passenger pigeon - 3; Turnips and greens - 26; Tofurky - 57; Venison - 63; Wild boar - 13; Black bear - .5; Other animals or road kill - 87; Turkey - 1,750. What happened to the missing half of the person planning to eat bear we haven't determined.

So turkey it is -- the clear winner among local readers! And, while PETT and PETA may be disappointed, area turkey farmers say it's a really good thing for the birds.

"If it weren't for people eating turkey on Thanksgiving, we wouldn't be caring for the birds and providing them with the best of feeds and living conditions," said Peter Miller, an area farmer who raises the birds by the thousands. "Turkeys should really be thankful, too, for how well they are pampered and treated during their brief lives. They don't have to go scavenging through the woods and peck out a meager existence like their wild cousins do," he explained.

So, the answer seems to be clear for west-side readers. Enjoy your turkey with a clear conscience and be thankful you don't have to eat eel!

S.A. Tired covers fictitious news from an unrealistic perspective for the Eagle Observer. He may be contacted by email at [email protected]. News and views in Spinning the News are claimed by no one else but the author.

Editorial on 11/23/2016