There are a lot of things I just didn't understand when I was younger, but now I do. One of those things was the wearing of suspenders by old men. Why, I wondered, do old men wear suspenders? But now I know.
I had always assumed it was because of styles when that older generation grew up. Weren't suspenders the style in the first half of the 20th century? I do remember wearing suspenders with suits but don't know that my mother ever dressed me in knickers. As long as I can remember, I wore a belt around my waist to ensure that my pants stayed up and in place.
Being girded about with a belt indeed worked well for me through most of my life. I cinched up my pants with a strong leather belt -- even wore a duty belt for years with a handgun, ammunition, cuffs, pepper mace, rubber gloves and a radio -- and I never had trouble with my pants falling or even riding low. I never tried it, but I am betting I could have been hung upside down by my pant legs and never suffered a fall on my head or even embarrassment from low-riding britches.
But, I'm older now and understand why old men wear suspenders. It seams my waist line is not so well defined anymore -- at least it has settled a bit lower. I've even started buying pants with a shorter inseam to accommodate the problem.
And the problem is this. When I pull my pants up to where my waistline used to be and cinch up my belt to the only notch I can still reach, gravity and a declining circumference below my waistline cause my pants to drop down a bit and dangerously close to the level where their descent toward my ankles might continue. And although I always tucked in my shirttails in my younger years, I often leave them out now. Tucking them into my pants causes neck strain because my pants drop a bit and sag and their weight and the weight of my belly pull on my tucked-in shirt and thus on the collar around my neck.
I do realize it is the new style to wear baggy pants sagging down to where a fellow would definitely be showing about 50- to 75-percent crack if it weren't for a T-shirt longer than most girls' skirts, but I'm not going to try to walk around town or down the grocery aisle with one hand hanging onto my pants to keep them from dropping to the floor.
Even though I've tried emptying my pockets of coins, pocketknives, bullets, keys, camera batteries, empty wallet, comb and lint, my problems persisted. I just didn't know what to do to keep things up.
I've heard it's not good for a fellow to cinch his pants so tight that everything below the waist is cut off -- no blood supply, no feeling in the legs and impaired bowel function. That's where suspenders come in. Since my shape has changed from being a man with some bulk in the upper body to one where things have dropped down to my midsection, simply tying my pants around the middle is becoming a slippery slope. I needed a new suspension system that would keep them where they belong, and straps over my shoulders seem to work.
I'm not saying I like suspenders or even feel comfortable wearing them in public -- I sometimes hide them under my shirt -- but they do work better than my belt, which seems to have shrunk in length over the past several years. I thought of buying bib overalls, but my wife objected to me wearing them in public, especially with a shirt, tie and suit coat.
With suspenders, I can loosen my belt (I had to get a longer one) and be comfortable again. And I don't have to worry about low-riding pants, walking on my cuffs or falling from grace in the public's eye. I can even fill my pockets again if I just adjust the suspenders a little to accommodate the heavier load.
Yes, it took a while, but I finally understand why old men wear suspenders. What I'm now trying to figure out is why so many who should still don't. I guess we're a stubborn bunch.
Randy Moll is the managing editor of the Westside Eagle Observer. He may be contacted by email at [email protected]. Opinions expressed are those of the author.
Editorial on 09/28/2016