It's Father's Day and I'm in the midst of a refresher course and reminder of what it was like when my children were very young because we now have a pair of young grandchildren, 3 and 6, residing with us.
It has been a while, but I still remember some things. I know how to change diapers. Though I've tried hard, I doubt I will ever forget how since I had 11 of my own in diapers at one time or another and sometimes two or three at a time. I used to tell mothers I had changed more diapers than they had and they would laugh until I told them I was the father of 11 and had two sets of twins in the bunch.
Changing diapers is a lot easier now since there are no pins to fasten or plastic pants to pull over them to keep the moisture from coming through. And, though I wonder what those dirty, disposable diapers are doing to our landfills, it is much more pleasant not to rinse soiled diapers in the toilet and then wash buckets full of the things and hang them out on the line to dry.
It's taken a week, but I am getting accustomed to working at the computer in between questions, requests, accidents and conflict resolution. It could be that an article or a whole page will make it to press one of these days with a long line of letters such as "azazazazazazazaza" hidden somewhere in the text as a result of little fingers reaching up and making an unsolicited addition to my work. And, no, it wasn't intentional and you don't need to try to figure out the meaning of the strange new word. It was just a young ghost writer trying to do what grandpa is doing.
And, yes, life has changed. Quiet moments are rare. Considering all the train sounds the youngest makes as he plays around the house, I wouldn't be surprised if I go around saying, "Toot, toot," and making other "clickety-clack" train sounds in my old age.
Meals have gone from chicken fillets and steaks to chicken sticks and tube steaks. Broccoli has become a word sure to turn up noses, and who would ever eat Brussels sprouts or Lima beans? Elbow macaroni noodles are no good unless they come in a box with fake cheese. For my Father's Day meal after church, we went out to the new restaurant of choice: "Donalds." I didn't even get to eat my fries.
When the television is on, it's not the news or weather; it's Thomas the train or some other cartoon character invented since my children were small. What ever happened to Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Green Jeans? I wouldn't even mind Sesame Street but, if it is still on, I'm sure it's passé.
Video games I've never heard of are a big hit, but we learned quickly to limit access and time or the zombies on the Internet would likely turn our grandchildren into zombies, glued to an electronic device. When I encouraged playing a game of Wiffle ball, I was laughed to scorn but the little video addicts soon learned playing ball and running around the makeshift bases was actually a lot of fun. And what could replace a trip to the park playground or a good old squirt-gun battle in the backyard on a hot evening! -- except, of course, they are no longer squirt "guns" but are shaped like some animal or other more socially-acceptable device. Except for the single-shot water cannons that can launch a gallon or more with a single blast, the other water-squirting devices are still high-capacity semi-automatic water guns even though they look more like cartoon characters. I have the wet clothes and glasses to prove it!
And bed time? What do you do when a 6-year-old grandson tells you his bed time is later than yours? It's taken us the better part of a week to adjust their schedules, but naps have been outlawed and bed time has gotten a lot earlier for the little night owls. Activities to wear them down help a lot too. And then it's amazing how quickly children can fall asleep when noise-making devices are turned off, lights turned down and the busybodies have to lay their heads down on a pillow for just a little bit!
The whole experience has made me wonder about all the new and modern child-rearing methods practiced these days. It doesn't appear they work near as well as the simple methods used back in those dark ages when we were children and in that unenlightened era when our children were young.
Randy Moll is the managing editor of the Westside Eagle Observer. He may be contacted by email at [email protected]. Opinions expressed are those of the author.
Editorial on 06/21/2017