Okay, okay, I'll admit it: Perhaps the last 'cuff exaggerated a bit; well, maybe quite a bit. But I feel most readers have experienced such a surprise when one of those black and white critters let loose with a bomb. What really inspired the skunk tale, however, was observing how many of those furry little critters have met their fate on area highways during recent days.
Enough about skunks. It's armadillos who are beginning their attempts at crossing highways. I may be able to come up with a parallel tale. It won't be about their traffic mishaps, rather it will concern the boulders they uncover while digging in the front yard.
But since it's nearly spring, there's always a story or two about moles, gophers or whatever plows up lawns. And they're getting an early start this year. I've accumulated quite a list of mole killers or repellents ranging from moth balls to potions containing various ingredients, some of which I can't pronounce, let alone spell. I even tried the old Juicy Fruit gum bait which is supposed to cause moles to chew themselves to oblivion. Fat chance.
I've treated the yard and postage stamp garden with granules that are "guaranteed to get the grubs" which some say are a favorite mole diet. I have never been able to notice a change in the mole population unless, in fact, sometimes they seem to grow bigger and more plentiful as they gobble the granules to replace some mineral missing in the soil.
I've tried the old "castor bean will keep them away" story but, sorry, no luck. However, those plants add a nice contrast to other plants in the postage stamp plot. I've even collected a few CB seeds to share with those who wanted to try the mole cure. Did it work? I've never received a positive report. So much for that!
The best success I've had with moles, or rather getting rid of them, is to try and drown them out by poking the garden hose into a mole run and letting it gurgle for awhile. Oops, sometimes it's forgotten for several quite-a-whiles which results in green spots in the grass. I've even forced out a few of the dirty little diggers but, when I see their spotless, soft fur, the old softy in me takes hold and ... well, you can guess the rest. A few days after I've turned one of the captured little creatures down over the hill, I'll bet he immediately starts that long tunnel job back up the slope. And, just for spite, he's probably spread the word along the way that the old geezer's garden is a safe, comfy diner ground.
One positive outcome of the drown-'em-out plan is the lawn does get a drink. And the water department bill helps the city pay for that million gallon water tank.
Is that about enough for this week? Or ... is that a clearing of the throat I hear? There are a few more topics to tackle. The political scene? Nope, I'm backing out of that topic for another few 'cuffs. I will mention that someone asked me whatever happened to those predictions that used to appear in the 'cuff every January.
My answer: I always went into a trance to come up with those gems. Since I'm in retirement, I'm in a trance most of the time and would have to come back to reality to make a prediction. And, besides, the only prediction that I had considered was that Donald Trump would actually be inaugurated as our 45th president.
I will mention that a few "wishes" have crossed my brow. So, instead of predictions, and since most everyone has a few "wishes" of their own, here are a couple that I found on my desk. At least they were readable.
I wish the Arkansas Highway Department would provide lights at the Highways 49 and 72 interchange west of Hiwasse and possibly the interchange west of Hiwasse. And since 49 is still a two-lane highway, that yield signs would be added to the on-ramp traffic.
Another wish is that the entrance to Kindley Park in Gravette would receive a new white stucco or paint job before Gravette Day.
Finally, another wish is that someone in the television network control rooms would throw the off switch when the so-called expert panel members all start talking at once. Such impoliteness, undignified behavior, lack of decorum, and disrespect are sad examples for our upcoming generation. This would eliminate my having to push the shut-up button. 'Nuff said. Till next time.
Dodie Evans is the former owner and long-time editor of the Gravette News Herald. Opinions expressed are those of the author.
Editorial on 03/08/2017