The doorbell rings. You have something in your hand you just can't "lay down" right now. If you are the cook of the house and the pancakes you are preparing for supper or breakfast need flipping ... and the eggs you are scrambling to complement those blueberry pancakes are also at the stage they need some attention ... you know what I mean. And then the doorbell rings again, this time with multiple chimes.
Or perhaps you are the "fix-it fellow" who is trying to figure out why the TV remote won't remote ... or the computer is doing a runaway dance. You've been pushing buttons or referring to a hard-to-decipher instruction pamphlet for the past 10 minutes and ... ring. What's the thought that goes through your head? And the words that almost form on your lips?
Sound familiar? It doesn't happen often but, when it does, it always seems to be at the most inopportune time. But you get up and head for the front door. Surprise! It is an unexpected visit by someone who is a good friend, a neighbor who hands you a plateful of your favorite cookies or a cake, a bell-ringer who turns an inside-your-head frown to a smile and a pleasant greeting inviting a thought-to-be stranger in. An unwelcome disaster turns out to be a positive and appreciated experience. Case closed.
There are times when it doesn't turn out that way, when you head to that ringing bell your subconscious "control my feelings" reaction takes control and you find a smile, though sometimes it may look a little like a snarl. You open the door and after a brief exchange of words the doorbell pusher leaves and you head back to that unfinished task. Either way, the world doesn't stop turning and all is still well with the world ... well, almost. The pancakes did get a little dark brown and the eggs are, well, scrambled or that instruction book is still there waiting to be reopened.
But ... and this is a long but ... there are those other visitors who come to your home all too often these days. They have a habit of coming at a most inappropriate time. What a habit! Perhaps you were in a back part of the house when the "bell" sounded and it kept repeating itself again and again before you reached that unexpected visitor. Sometimes it has finally stopped after you stopped a while to recover from stumbling over a table leg that had never been in that location before.
It's times like these when dignity and decorum, politeness and patience are shoved to the back of the brain. You think of words that ... well, even though they may or may not be "politically correct," they don't belong. You might call them ulcer causers.
This wannabe intruder didn't pound on the storm door. In fact, it was not a visit to meet you face to face. He/She/? ... er, better make that He/Her/It ... or better yet, make it just "IT" ... was determined to interrupt your everyday activity, whatever it happened to be. IT, in fact, is one of the biggest cowards householders face almost every day or, in fact, several times a day.
Who is this IT?, you ask. Surely you have figured IT out. Each of us has developed a personal way to deal with IT, sometimes quiet, sometimes roughly and, yes, sometimes by just ignoring IT. Yep, "IT" is the appropriate name to give this persistent intruder who actually is not a living person. Oh, it does have a human-like voice, speaks with a somewhat friendly greeting and then ... bingo ... it begins that well-rehearsed spiel that can go on and on and on ad nauseam.
Sadly there appears no way to quiet IT, that robo-caller who has infiltrated our entire communications system, sometimes even using a local phone number and, yes, sometimes, according to caller ID, even the name and number of a person you know. That person is probably unaware his or her name and number have been confiscated by some IT from somewhere. Figure that one out.
It doesn't take long to figure IT out. IT just wants to talk to you, or rather IT wants you to listen to IT. Sometimes you want to jerk the phone from the wall but those days are gone forever since IT usually or often calls on your cell phone. Those wannabe robo-calls may come when you're in a boat fishing for crappie or sitting in a dentist's chair or watching the last 30 seconds of an NBA playoff game, or you're talking to your daughter, a grandson or your elderly mother about really important things.
We all get 'em ... those calls from IT ... even if we are on the so-called no-call list. IT finds a way around or over that fence that works sometimes but too often doesn't.
Telling the voice, all a recording, you want to have information sent to you by mail since IT apparently has your address isn't recommended. Blowing a ref whistle through the system does ... who knows what? Once I even said to that voice, "Sing me a happy birthday song." It wasn't my birthday. Or how about, "Send me a five dollar bill to buy myself a drink"? Those three resulted in clicks, but no doubt IT attempted a call later that day from a different number.
There must be technology which could control such calls but, no doubt, Robo has already found a way to crash through. How about this? Since the calls are from IT, how about outlawing them? Does a Robo IT voice qualify for IT freedom of speech? Maybe some smart lawyer will take that through the system all the way to the top. It might be worth a try. What do you think about ... Whoops! There goes that phone. Since I have my cell phone and I'm outside raking up sweet gum balls, maybe I should invite IT over to help me. Patience, please ... before I become a patient.
Dodie Evans is the former owner and long-time editor of the Gravette News Herald. Opinions expressed are those of the author.
Editorial on 05/02/2018