I've put it off for a long, long time, just ignoring the notices - not from the IRS or a bill collector but from my dentist. It seems I may have missed my dental checkup a time or two.
But my old dentist is more than 500 miles away, and it is just too far to drive for such a short visit. And, well, he's finally forgotten me too and stopped sending me those little reminders to set up an appointment.
That’s OK. I didn't really like to be reminded, anyway. But I have daughters who are dental assistants and, without a word, their uniforms remind me I ought to go. And I suppose I have put it off way too long. I've been in Arkansas about seven years and still haven't gone to a local dentist.
Even though dental checkups never bothered me as a kid - and I had plenty of them - something has changed and I don't enjoy going any more. Don’t get me wrong. I don't dislike dentists. And I have no complaint against any dental staff members. I would just rather stop in to see them for some other reason that didn’t involve me sitting in the examination chair.
Having x-rays taken isn't too bad. I don’t even mind biting down on those plastic film holders, though the taste of plastic isn't too pleasant. I do have a question. If they cover my mid-section with this heavy apron to protect - well, you know what - and the technician runs out of the room to keep herself from being exposed, what do those rays do to my brain cells? It could explain some things.
I’ve gotten used to the picking and poking on my teeth to check for soft spots. And I don’t mind the little rotary tooth brush my dentist uses to sand and polish my teeth, though it sure is hard to answer his questions while he’s got that tooth polisher, a mirror and a suction tube all stuck in my mouth at the same time.
No, I’m not fond of novocaine shots and the drill. I don’t like how they have to jab me again and again with that needle to deaden my face. When I’m done, it feels like I kissed a jellyfish and my lips are the size of an inner tube. If I got stopped on the way home and given a field sobriety test, I'm sure I'd fail because of slurred speech.
I don’t think anyone likes to hear the sound of that drill. When I see smoke coming out of my mouth, I wonder at first what’s burning and then realize it’s me! But that usually doesn’t happen until a later appointment, anyway.
What I dread the most at dental checkups is that little supersonic water squirter that some dentists like to use to clean teeth down to their roots. I never knew the powerful force of water until my dentist used that thing to clean away all the dirt and tartar from between my teeth and under my gums.
And I’ve come to the conclusion that tartar is not all that bad. A fellow needs some to protect his teeth where gums have either receded or been power washed away. At least, after my teeth are cleaned, I can’t eat or drink anything hot or cold for several weeks - not until that good old protective tartar builds back up again.
And so, I’m wondering, do I really need to go? It is a long, long drive for a dental checkup. I could see a dentist here, but that would take away my excuse. I'd have no reason to procrastinate for months or years.
What about my teeth? I know regular checkups are the right thing to do and that supersonic water cleaning is for my good - I think. And there are plenty of good dentists close by that I could see regularly for checkups.
But, then again, if I brush regularly and try to take care of my own teeth, wouldn't that be good enough? I used to change the oil in my pickup truck and handle some of my own repairs, so I might just be able to take care of my teeth without professional help.
I'm a do-it-yourselfer. If high-pressured water can do so much to clean my teeth, couldn’t I just go down to the car wash and soap, brush, rinse and wax my teeth for a few bucks? It ought to work and costs less than a dental visit. Of course, I might drown in the process since I don’t think that vacuum hose reaches far enough to provide suction.
Randy Moll is the managing editor of the Westside Eagle Observer. He can be contacted by email at [email protected].
Opinion, Pages 6 on 04/24/2013