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OPINION: I added a new law to the books and got egg sandwiches

by BILL | June 21, 2022 at 9:21 a.m.

I sure try to be just as kind as I can be and I want everyone happy at all times! I have gone to great lengths to keep my close relative as happy and satisfied as a poor man possibly can, and the kids too! I don't demand much around here. Coffee is nice in the mornings and I guess I sorta demand going to church. But, get ready, I am going to demand something soon!

All farmers go outside earlier than other folks to start the day. We gotta feed animals, check on animals, see about the water tanks, check the chickens, get ready for a day's labor and remember to take in the pure joy of living in the country. Summer is the season we stand for the winter's tundra and snow. We make it in pouring rain and dastardly winds that blow us into last year. The solid solitude of summer mornings makes it all easier! The silence, accompanied by songbirds and fussing squirrels, spreads over the place like melting butter on biscuits! I adore it and have given the biggest part of my life to having it!

The offspring grew up here. They were typical boys and car crazy with roaring pipes and loud horns. The female was always blaring the radio or screaming at the other two to behave. My mornings have been hectic and loud many mornings, but I still handled it with great kindness and southern manners and grace!

My family females all took the notion of a girl's day out and planned it down to the hour. We always know we can count on hot meals, cold tea and a real nice shower when we come in for the day. It might be 10 and there our wives are, supper fixed, and kids in bed. I had the pleasure of that for the years the family grew up. Now the offspring are blessed to be enjoying it. We sure want the women home and safe at dark. They planned it perfectly!

But then suddenly, with no warning, the slight southern breeze carried a calamitous noise! Every house within five miles of home had wind chimes hanging and bellowing out ungodly melodies. I headed for cover, thinking it must be an uprising of high school band directors! In my own front yard, it was clanging, clinking and huge! There were five four-inch tubes connected to a single post held solid by an awful contraption of pipes. The tubes were hit by a swinging steel ball moved by even a breath of wind!

The noise spread over the farm, all the stinking pipes projected the noise at once and I could hear the ones in the yards of all three of our children over the ones in my yard. I got in the pickup, carefully headed to the hay field, and tried to act kind!

Tonight there will be new law added to the books. We won't vote by family or by gender. As a matter of fact, we won't vote at all! Democracy has not been born on these acres concerning this problem. I am going to speak -- no yelling, just kindness and control, and sugar will proceed from my mouth -- and it will be law!

It was wonderful the next day, birds singing to the sky and praising the Lord!

I and my offspring have had lots of water -- no tea -- and plenty of egg sandwiches lately, but in glorious solitude! I have decided to be very kind to my daughters-in-law and send them some candy to make up as I have been denied grandson visits for the endurance!

I had plenty of silence around here, so I got all the guns polished and an inventory of needed ammo. We are almost back to normal; I think the eggs are about gone! Remember the Alamo!

Bill is the pen name used by the Gravette-area author of this weekly column. The opinions expressed are those of the author.

Print Headline: A new law and egg sandwiches

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