I was trying to slice up the sausage on my plate and a big black fly was buzzing my head. I hate the evidence of bugs in the kitchen, as does my close relative, so I got the fly swatter and hit at the varmint. Missing the fly, I knocked my coffee about 10 feet from the table, leaving the contents of the cup all over the floor! And that fly continued buzzing the breakfast table while I quickly ate the last of the breakfast without more coffee.
I left for the barn and opened the yard gate too wide; it fell off the hinges. I must have looked at it for two minutes, trying to figure out why, and moved on to the barn. The cat, who had been asleep inside the barn door, was deep in sleep, I guess, because I sent it across the aisle to the feed barrels when I flung open the door. My day was sunk!
I don't know how many things can go wrong in 20 minutes but I was trying for the championship! At the noise raised by the flying cat, all the felines fled, including the toms. I stood still, wondering. Well, moving cautiously, I fed the absent cats and continued on to the horses. Spec was startled and acting silly and the spotted pony took over his stall. So I fed the stall as usual and just quietly left.
The sunshine felt really good and I stood there in it for a while, not touching anything. Having this day was sure to be a sign of some sort from my close relative's side of the family, the Medicine Man! I could hear the boys coming to the barn or tractor shed and so I began to move and stubbed my boot on a huge rock. I did not fall since I was agile enough to right my balance before hitting the ground. I stood still for the duration of my waiting for the help to arrive.
We all said good morning to each other and they waited for me to name the day's work. I told them Sunday afternoon that one had to drag the plow and one had to drag the harrow, so what was there to understand except who got the worst tractor? I hate to have to decide such things for them as they are grown men and it is a stupid ritual for me to have to wade in. I just got in the truck and started to the pasture to count cows.
The younger was yelling, so I stopped. "Where do we start?" he said. I just went on.
They were raised here and raised by hand. They were not mistreated and forgotten, not sent to an Army Academy far away from here and never even shown the layout of the place. They must be the next step on the Medicine Man's list!
I went on and checked the new babies first because I needed something nice and sweet. The cattle were just wonderful! The babies were fine and running dead heats with each other and all was well. I counted there and then the heifers and then the cows and stopped for a cup at the coffee emporium. The round table was full and all was well there too. Nice to see all is normal!
The day progressed without any further menacing activity. The boys finally found their work, as I knew they would, and I managed to keep body and soul together for the remainder of the day. Sometimes I think I need to be solitary, just me and no one else to keep my attention all day. I made it fine and even ate lunch without any mention of the spillage this morning.
The day was full of lessons. When a mistake is made, a good idea is to take a breather. I am the world champ at slamming and banging instead of being aware of my self-induced anger. No one was upset but me. I will stop that childish behavior soon! Seriously, how many of us know and continue to act like we're terrible two? I am aware and I'm going to control that devilish temper!
Did not mention the foolishness of the question this morning to the hired hands. That was as bad as me scaring the cats and horses. Let us all stop the nonsense and use our brains for something besides a place to hang our hats.
I heard shots at the town dump as I passed this morning. Forget it; I am gonna win every year, and you know it. Have fun fishing. Keep your artillery oiled and Remember the Alamo!
Bill is the pen name used by the Gravette-area author of this weekly column. Opinions expressed are those of the author.